I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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