the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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