i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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