Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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