I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
