So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
