is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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