i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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