i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
