I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
