A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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