We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
