One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
