anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This toilet bowl is my home.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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