3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
