Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
