Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
