Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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