Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
