were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
