so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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