he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
