Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
