You just made me feel so damn special
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
