oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
