I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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