So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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