I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
