I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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