I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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