Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
