So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
