i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
