My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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