I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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