she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My vagina just recognized that song.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Damn victory sex feels great
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
