actually, I'm a sock model
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
