im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
