the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
