I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
