Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
