Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need water and some morals
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
