Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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