You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
