Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
