Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
