Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm at about main and main street
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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