apparently the secret to your success is patron
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
