just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
