I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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