hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
