What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
