And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
