Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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