Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
