who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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