I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
