I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
