hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
