In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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