i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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