its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
