If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We need to rekindle our bromance
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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