I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
