They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
