I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
